Florida Vacation

Well we flew into Fort Myers, Florida yesterday on Jet Blue Airlines and I have to say that I was pretty impressed. I have never used them before. We got to Uncle Bruce and John's place, which is gorgeous (I have pictures that I will post later) and then went out for dinner at the Japanese grill place called Shogun, Julio was our chef (which I find quite funny). It was delicious and the girls seem to enjoy it and Sarah even tried something new, shrimp. She liked it, of course anything that may cost a little more.

However today she didn't seem like herself. She woke up and had something to eat then jumped in the pool and got out real quick and said she had an ear ache. She ended up taking a two hour nap with Craig. After she got up she was still kind of lethargic but we thought that it was because she didn't eat anything. So we went to go grab a bite to eat and that didn't perk her up either. She felt a little warm so I went to the store and got her some Tylenol. Came back to the house and took her temperature, 100.3. Wouldn't you know it! So now I am not sure what we will do about Disney world. Hopefully she will feel better tomorrow, but if she doesn't I think we will take her to the doctor. I sure would hate to have to cancel that, but what can you do.

The weather here has been great, it's in the 80's and I must say that it is strange to see people in bathing suits in March! Tomorrow I think we will go to the beach for a little bit. I have always wanted to see the Gulf of Mexico, I hear the water is just beautiful. My camera has been giving me fits, I don't know what is wrong with it, but I am taking pictures when I can now that I have it back. I will write more later.

Got my digital camera back

I was recently talking to my dad and he mentioned that my blog had gotten kind of boring without any new pictures. Somehow I have lost my charger for digital camera and I just assumed that it would turn up somewhere. In the past when I couldn't find my camera I COULD find my charger and vice versa.

So a week ago I went and ordered my camera from Radio Shack. $65 and a week later I am back in business. I got it yesterday just in time for Faith's "Lip Sync" performance at her school. I wasn't able to take any pictures of her routine, but I did manage to snap on with her and her girlfriend Francesca who she performed with. They lip synced and danced to Miley Cyrus's "Girls Night Out"

I straightened Faith's hair and put make up on her, can you tell? LOL She is growing up so fast. She has already asked me if I could do her make up for school. She must be crazy if she think she is wearing make up at 10 years old! The performance started at 7 pm and we didn't get out of there until 9:30 pm and they hadn't done the Finale when we left. I was starving as the rest of my clan was, but Faith was torn about going to grab a bite or staying for the Finale. She really wanted to do both, but Craig and I were tired and there is only so much screaming and loud music I can stand. (That made me sound old didn't it?)

Anyway since I have my digital back, I will be taking more pictures. Speaking of which here is one of me and my man.

New Beginnings

Alright so last week I went to the doctor to get a Rx to help me stop smoking and walked away with blood pressure medication. I had to go back yesterday to get my blood pressure re-checked and I walked out of there with a months supply of blood pressure medication and Chantix to help me stop this nasty habit of smoking. I am happy! Although my insurance company didn't pay for it so $135 dollars had to come out of our pockets. Hopefully, I will kick the habit within one month and I won't have to pay another $135.



I know my dad will be happy with this news! I ordered another charger for my digital camera. That thing cost $65! I know the other charger is around here somewhere, I just can't find it. Hopefully I will keep track of this one. So soon I will be able to add pictures to my blog once again.



Things seem to be going pretty good lately. My gf, Jackie and I are trying to encourage each other in our goals. She came over to study yesterday and we went for a walk with the dogs. We also had a "weigh in" UGHHHHH, I never thought I would say this but I like the doctor's office scale better then the one at home. LOL! Jackie is bipolar (old post) and struggles at this point in getting up in the morning and getting around. She doesn't like it but finds herself continuing to do it. She knows that it would be best for her to get up in the am, so I am calling her and bugging her in the mornings to get a move on. She on the other hand is encouraging me to get off my fat ass and exercise. We are actually helping each other with that one too. But she is a great friend and love her and thank God that he brought her into my life.

So here is to new beginnings of good habits!

Why is it we hurt the ones we love?

I wrote this a while ago, but I thought it still fitting.

Why is it that we hurt the one we love? Is he aware how his words wound me? Does he ever feel sorry for the things that are said? Do I hurt him with what I say? I try very hard to measure my words; to watch what comes out of my mouth. I don't want to lash out with my tongue like a whip on bare flesh. I am tired of him making me dislike myself. I think I am a pretty good person. I am caring and funny, kind, loving; I also know that I am lazy, sloppy. I am not blind to my faults. But sometimes he makes me doubt myself. After the same argument, I snapped and said "Boy it must suck to live with me" and he said "Pretty much". OUCH! I know it was said in anger, but it hurt none the less and sometimes I wonder. I wonder if he truly wants to be here and if he does then, why can't he just take me like I am.

We are a busy family. He's working 50 hour weeks 60 if you include travel time. I am working part time, going to school part time, helping kids with homework (he is being more active in helping in this area since I had a mini melt down), cooking at least 3 times a week, et al. I just don't think he realizes that after all of that, I may not want to sweep or put my clean laundry away. I understand that he is a neat nick, but I am not! And apparently it drives him crazy!!!!

Bad news = Depression

Well, I went to the doctor today to get a perscription to help me stop smoking. After examining me he tells me that my blood pressure is dangerously high and I have to take blood pressure medication. How's that for a kick in the pants!? Not only that but he can't give the perscription to help me stop smoking untill my blood pressure is under control. So now I have to go and get a echo cardiogram, blood work, a mammogram and I am extemely depressed. The upshot to that is the medicine that he is going to give me for smoking has had great results!!! So hopefully when I go and see him next week this medication for my blood pressure will be working and he can give me the perscription to help me stop smoking. He said if I quit smoking it should help to bring my blood pressure down too, as well as loosing weight. Another positive is that I weigh less then I thought I did. So off to the gym I go tomorrow. He took a chest x-ray, I have to say I was holding my breath for that one (literally), all I could imagine him saying was that he saw some sort of mass on my lungs, that would have made my day. But that the Lord above that he didn't say anything of the sort. So Wednesday morning I will be going to the lab to get my blood work done. I already know what that is going to say, my cholesterol is going to be high and I hope that all that it will be.

This is probably the reason why I didn't go see him for 3 years. He told me I am a stroke waiting to happen. I wanted to tell him, "Tell me how it is doc, don't sugar coat anything." (with extreme sarcasm).

On another note, I got a 94 on my first A&P Exam! Yahoooooo!!! This Wednesday is the Lab Test. Have to name all the veins and arteries in the body. Bloody hell there's a lot of them. LOL. My girlfriend and I are going to the open lab tonight to study somemore on that although I have to say that at this point that is the last thing I want to do right now.

I came home today and told Craig he said aren't you glad you went to the doctor, and I said nooooooo. Ignorance is bliss, is my motto. I am sure I knew all of this before I went and it is probably the reason I have put it off for so long. I know that it is good for me to know and take control of the situation. But I have tried loosing weight before and haven't been very successful at it, what if I fail again? We will see how it goes.

Broken and Bruised

Does he know what his words do to me? He must not know what it does, how they play over and over in my head. Not all the time, but at times like these. Does he know how painful those are to relive? I don't understand why? Does he know what it is like to get rejected over and over and over again? How much courage it takes for me to return once again and get still be rebuffed? How can he possibly think that it is okay to say those things. I don't care if they are true, but I just got done telling you that I needed to feel wanted and then you go and make me feel even worse then I already do.

It is amazing to me how you can sleep. More so, that after I leave in tears you have the where with all to get out of bed and close the door to make sure that you are not disturbed when I come home with our daughter. Do you not care that I am hurting. That the tears continue to fall, do you not care that my heart is sore and battered...that my soul is heavy with sorrow? Do I matter to you at all???????

You say you love me, but do you love me like a husband should love his wife? Or am I just a companion that you are fond of? Am I comfortable for you like an old lumpy chair? Why must your words hurt so much?! Sometimes I feel like I am beating my head against a wall. Always the same arguements, always I must change. I am tired of it, I am tired of being the one to pour out myself completetly and be asked for more. I am so tired of not feeling good enough

Happy Valentines Day

Well, it is Valentine's day! A day to celebrate the people you love. I know that Valentine's day was founded on a pagan holiday. But I do like the idea that there is a day set aside just to celebrate the ones you love. I was fretting about what I was going to do for Craig for V-day. I was listening to the radio and they were trying to give ideas, but ideas without spending a whole lot of money. One girl called in and said that her and her boyfriend/husband made eachother thier gifts. One of the radio hosts talked aboout getting a box of kiddie valentines and on each one putting a reson why they loved their girlfriend on each one and then placeing them around the house. He said that for the next year she was finding them. So actually I think I am going to do that!

I hope everyone will have a good day!