School has started for the girls and tomorrow I have my first class. Microbiology! Hopefully it will be more like Biology then Anatomy & Physiology! I did much better in Bio then A&P. One step closer to my goal. Sarah was excited about school starting, Faith not so much. But I think both of them are ready for a change. There is only so much not doing anything a person can stand.
I don't know what happened to this post, I never posted it, so I will continue on! School HAS started for me I like the teacher, not so much my Lab Assistant Maria! When I was taking biology, she took over for my lab assistant to found a different job. Wasn't crazy about her then, and not crazy about her now!!
The girls are getting into the groove of school. Faith of course hates homework and so does Sarah at times. I guess we all did!!! Doing homework with them sometimes is painful! I was helping Faith with her homework last night as well as trying to study myself but it just seemed like every 3 min. she would ask me a question. So around 8 pm when she asked me another question I just closed my books and helped her. I don't really like studding past 9 pm if I can help it. It just doesn't seem like anything sticks, 9 PM is the witching hour for me. Plus, I get to watch my shows, LOL!! A girls has to have some down time!!!!!!!
Faith is learning how to play the trumpet, she wanted to clarinet, but there were none left at school for her to borrow, so she is doing the trumpet with a friend. Here's a video of her the day she brought it home!
Alright peeps, finally got the video uploaded to Blogger! Leave me a comment, let me know that someone is out there!! LOL
Yahooo! I took my last test yesterday and celebrated by going out with Dave and Jackie (she is in my class and a good friend) to Chili's and then to see Made of Honor which was a nice romantic comedy. I haven't been to the movies in a while so it was nice to just get away. During dinner Jackie got a text from another girl in our class with our grades on the test. Now I thought I did pretty well or failed miserably and Jackie thought she did horribly. Well I got a 78 and Jackie got a 74, not the grade I was hoping for but I FINALLY got a higher grade then she did. LOL!!! So Anatomy and Physiology is done!!! Yippee-Ki-Ayyy. Next Microbiology, we will see how that goes. I think I will approach this class differently. (I say that every class and then do the same thing), I need to pre-read the chapter and re-write my notes as soon as I get home. Not worry so much about flash cards but read over my notes every night. I am going to have to do something like that because the teacher I am taking gives a quiz every class. UGHHHH! But never mind that for now, because ... I AM DONE WITH SCHOOL UNTIL THE FALL
I have to go and get ready, we are going up North to take his mom and sister out for mother's day and birthday. Love not having to cook!!!
May 9th is my last day of school, I CAN NOT wait! I had last week off, the girls had their spring break and I have to say I loved, not having to run around like a crazy woman, but I am back to it this week. I have a test today in A&P Lab (my last one) a quiz in lecture and then tomorrow I have to sign a song in ASL. Now I was supposed to be working with this girl Ashley. She asked last week if I would do it with her but she hasn't called or emailed me back so I don't know what to think. I guess I should just learn the whole song just in case. This is what my kitchen table usually looks like during school. I am applying for a scholarship for next year, I am hoping that I get it. I have to write a little something to go along with the application and it is due on Thursday. So I guess I should get to it.
Well I can tell that I am back in school. It seems like I tend to post less frequently. School is going good. So far my ASL class is the one I like best. Anatomy & Physiology is the same as last semester. At least I am taking it with a friend and we are able to study together. I am not quite sure if I am going to take Micro, during the summer or if I am going to take it in the Fall. Jackie is taking it during the summer and then starting the clinical in the fall. I still need to get my CNA. I was thinking about doing that in the summer if they have it.
Other than that nothing much is happening here. I am getting a little tired of school. It just seems to be taking so much time to get there.
Well, I have have both of my new classes. A&P II is just like I expected. You know the same type of thing just new information. Jackie, my girlfriend who is taking the class with me was all freaked out about our Lecture teacher. She was afraid she wasn't going to be able to understand her. The only problem I have with the teacher is I think she speaks to softly. I also has my ASL last night. It is Thursday nights at 7 PM to 9:45 PM. I hate being out that late. I as going to try at get into a class on Wed mornings but I kinda like this teacher. That is half the battle.
The ASL class is more learning about the colture. We have to write a 4 page paper. Which I say surprises me. But I think it will be interesting. He said something last night that surprises me. He told us that in different regions of the country some signs are different, its like they have developed a different dialect. I thought that was so strange. I figured it would all need to be standard, but just like we have slang in the speaking world, I guess the same could be said about the deaf world.
Again I am the oldest one in my class, but the people in this class seem like they will be a fun group. Lots of people for education in this class. So I might just end up staying. That's about it!!!
We had to choose a person that had recently been in the news and had to tell why their particular story had such longevity in the press. What was it about them that made us watch? I chose Anna Nicole Smith, because I was never quite sure if she was really as simple as she portrayed, not only that but there was something that has always drawn her to me. Bizarre I know, but I always felt sorry for her.
Despite our love or hate of Anna Nicole Smith, people tuned in when she died. Anna never seemed to be out of the news for long periods of time and when she was in the news it seemed to be negative press. Anna's story had it all, beauty, fame, and scandal. Why is it that we love to glory in other people's trials and tribulations? Why must we show peoples' most intimate and devastating times to the masses? Even though we as a nation, long to have the "lifestyle" that we see portrayed on television, we still reserve the right to look down on those that take up the front page of our newspapers. Could it be possible that we as a nation secretly long to know that celebrities are just a screwed up as we are. Perhaps we feel more at ease with our own lives by poo-pooing the poor decisions that others like Anna Nicole Smith made.
Anna was born Vicki Lynn Hogan and at the age of 17 she made what most would classify as her first mistake; she married 16 year old Billy Smith. Anna reports a home life that many would deem harmful in that her mother would "beat and kick" her. Some would not blame her for wanting to get out at any cost. Anna came on the scene as a voluptuous blond bombshell that sent in her photo to Playboy while making minimum wage. Practically becoming an overnight success and then became the model for Guess Jeans.
Anna Nicole was compared to Marilyn Monroe both in looks and in backgrounds. They were both from small towns and the desire for leaving would lead them both down a road wrought with pain and tragedy. As with Marilyn, Hollywood was the vehicle that drove her from small town middle America. The first time that society was made aware of one of the many bad decisions that Anna would make was when she married J. Howard Marshall. J. Howard Mashall was a very rich man who happened to be 89 years old, 63 years her senior. People immediately thought that she married him only for his money and began to make snap judgments of her character. Here is a woman who seems to be on top of the world and could have practically any man she wants and she marries an 89 year old man. Many people felt that her motives for marring him were for personal gain, not love or genuine feeling.
Once her husband dies Anna is in the news once again. Now she is fighting against her step-son for her claim to her late husband's estate. Even though both Anna and Marshalls' son are left out of the will, both maintain that J. Howard Marshall orally promised them a portion of the estate. This only re-enforces everyone's thoughts of her as a money hungry bimbo.
Anna goes from being in the news for "leeching" off of her husbands estate to being accused of using drugs and becoming an overweight wanna be actress who is jumping on the band wagon of Reality TV. At least now she has a hand in what is being put out there for everyone to see and in a sense being paid for being exploited. With all the bad publicity from outside media, Anna is now able to get her side out there in the form of "The Anna Nicole Smith Show". Even as her life appears to be going towards an out of work, has been she continues to put herself in the public eye by doing interviews for radio and late night television. Maybe it is true that bad publicity is better than no publicity. Some personalities begin to comment about her taking drugs, as well as her weight gain and slurred speech. At this time of her life, it appears by her countenance that she is lost and unsure of herself.
It seems that Anna had many different relationships with different men as evidenced by the number of men who came forward to say that they had fathered her daughter Dannielynn. This seems peculiar in that the majority of men are hesitant to proclaim to the world that they have fathered a child out of wedlock. The only relationship that seemed to stand the test of time was with her handler/escort, Howard K. Stern. Whether that relationship was good for her or toxic, is debatable. There are those that say they witnessed Howard giving her drugs and felt that he exploited Anna most of all.
From what the press printed, Anna's immediate family was estranged. Who knows what happened when she was a child. When she becomes pregnant with her second child it seemed to be more focused. Time with the family, the family she made; was important to her, but she always seemed a little sad. Maybe life had not become what she had hoped, maybe she felt disappointed with how things went, however, when she became pregnant with her second child she seemed to be excited. It was that joy for a new life that made the news of her first child's death so astonishing to the public. It had to have been hard to rejoice at the birth of her daughter and at the same time grieve for her son.
The public watched her downward spiral and no one was taken by surprise at Anna Nicole Smith's death. It was foretold wasn't it, when she was compared to Marilyn Monroe? Even in death Anna was in the news; people fought over who would get her body, where would she be buried, who was the father of baby Dannielynn, the cycle continued. In trying to be informed you inevitably hear the sensational stories about the entertainment industry. Maybe the reason we are so hot to eat up the headlines for Anna Nicole Smith was because she is what we all wanted at sometime, fame, fortune and what we would think would be an easy life. Anna could be an example of sometimes we should be careful what we wish for because sometimes it isn't the best thing for us.
This is the second essay that was revised, (not completely I must add, I don't like the way I ended it) that I included in my portfolio in my English class.
Absolute power corrupts. When people live in a dictatorship, whether it is real or imagined it leaves no room for growth. In Sandra Cisneros' "Eleven", the teacher's subjugation of Rachel makes her unable to stand up for herself. In comparison, Kate Chopin's' "The Story of an Hour" tells how Mrs. Mallard feels the subjugation of marriage as a noose around her neck and lives her life in repression of her own desires. It seems to reason, that if one represses emotion or allows external power to control him/her, it can lead to a loss of one's voice.
When uncomfortable things happen, one's reactions to those events reveals a great deal about that person. When Mrs. Mallard is told by her sister and brother-in-law about her husband's death, it was a bitter sweet moment. Mrs. Mallard was filled with grief for the loss of her companion but relieved at the freedom that came from her husband's death. It was only at that time she hoped that "life be long" and looked forward to, "a long procession of years to come that would belong to her absolutely." One can picture Mrs. Mallard standing taller and throwing the yoke of marriage from around her neck as she imagines a life lived only for herself. In contrast, when Rachel's teacher continues to insist that the ratty sweater is hers she wants only to be, "like a tiny o in the sky, so tiny-tiny you have to close your eyes to see it." Her teacher has made her feel so powerless that she feels minuscule, and wants to disappear. Inside she is screaming that the sweater is not hers. Rachel wants to cry and in that moment feels like she is three and not eleven. In essence both Rachel and Mrs. Mallard relinquished their power to a person in whom they trusted.
Many times people in society are pigeon holed into what is "socially acceptable"; everyone has a role to play. Mrs. Mallard's role was dutiful and obedient wife, however she was not happy in her role. When her sister Josephine tells her of her husband's death she, "wept in wild abandon" and then retreats to where she presumably would be alone with her grief. On the contrary, she feels such a freedom due to the death of her husband that she throws open a window and "drinks in the very elixir of life". Rachel on the other hand is the adolescent girl when asked a question is not assertive enough to say the sweater is not hers. The teacher places it on her desk to make her take ownership of the sweater. Rachel distances herself from the sweater and the situation. She begins to retreat inside of herself and eventually feels as if she is regressing in age; wanting only to be 102, "anything but eleven".
Who knows what these kinds of imbalances of power may do to one's self esteem. Mrs. Mallard loved her husband, but in her love for him she had ignored who she was and what she wanted. She had lost her voice, her sense of self and it is only in her husband's death that she finds a release from ties that bind. Rachel is young and the young heal quickly but a continued pattern of not standing up for one's self could become detrimental in the long run.
Well tonight was my last test. Earlier this morning I took my test for the lecture part of Anatomy and Physiology (A&P 1). It was kinda hard. I didn't think that I completely bomb it, but I was nervous. I knew I would do well in the Lab portion. Went back to school tonight and took my Lab Practicle and I got a 93!!!! Go me! While I was waiting for my grade, I thought I might look at the board to see if my test grade was up. I wasn't sure it would be, but sure enough there it was. I looked for student ID#, found it and knew that I had passed the class. I wanted to dance a jig right there.
While we were waiting for the grades I mentioned that I wasn't go to check the grades on line until after Christmas to one of my classmates. That was when they told us they had to be in by. I didn't want to torture myself and keep looking on line and not knowing. He told me you'll pass the class! I thought the same of him, but apparently he is taking A&P 1 and a class for Respiratory Therapy. He took AP1 in the summer, but he was passing with just a C and he knew he could do better, so he dropped it. He is doing both classes and not doing this one very well I guess. But once he saw the practical grade he thought that he had passed. I hope so, it would suck to have to take that class again.
I am so happy that I have 3 weeks off from school. A week off from work with the girls, I think I might actually scrap a little. I really feel like I need to be creative after all this stress from class. Well, off to put the girls down.
I came home from my last English class last night and saw Faith's interim report card is on the frig. She isn't doing all that great, and I am frustrated. I feel like I am not helping her enough but at the same time I feel like she should be taking more responsibility for her school work. I talked with her this morning and she of course started to cry, but I think she was crying because she feels like she has let me down. I know that at her age, I would do that.
She brings her books home, but she doesn't study. I mean why bother???? She does the homework that is assigned for that night, but she won't study beyond that. In her case she has to study some subject every night. She will bring her books home .....
I had to go to school myself, on the way I called Craig. He told me that he had already lit into her last night. Told her that if she failed, she would have to go to summer school and that takes up about 2/3 of the summer. Now I know why she was so upset.
I told her that I would give her $5 for every letter grade she brought her grade up. Dave came over for dinner tonight and told her that he would match what ever I gave her. I hope she does it. Generally I don't bribe my children (that's what it feels like) but if it works she will see that she can do it. That's all I care about.
Next Wednesday is my last day of school, until the 21st of January. I CAN NOT WAIT!!! As I have said in previous posts, this class has been excruciating for me. I hate that I feel like that but what can I do. I definitely have the slack factor going on here.
Next semester I get to take the second half of this course (A&P II). I am hoping that this teacher will be a better then the one I have now. He's not bad, but he's not great either.
I still need to do some Christmas shopping for the girls. I bought the presents from my mom and dad, but I really don't know what all I should get for the girls. Craig told me tonight that I should just spend the money that I was going to spend on him, on the girls. I can't do that, he said that all the things that he wants are just too expensive. But you know we don't buy gifts for each other that often, and I really want to get him something that he will like. I was thinking that I would get him a robe, and an automatic car starter. I think he would like that. He leaves for work so early, it would be nice for him to be able to start his car and let it get all nice and toasty before he got into it.
Well, I will sign off for now. I am trying to be better at posting on here, I was looking back over my history and noticed that in the past several months I have only posted once a month, I need to do better then that.
This is one of the essays that I am putting in my portfolio for my English class.
I do not like to say that I have regrets; I believe that the experiences that I have had fashioned me into the person that I am today. They have shaped my idiosyncrasies, my wants and the desires of my heart. Nevertheless, if I could change a regret of mine it would be that I would not have dropped out of high school. Many factors played into my dropping out of school, some of those being, people I was associating with, home life and the way that I perceived my parents. But mostly it was my own skewed thought process.
My mother swears that as a child, I was perfect! She has told me stories of what an angel I was, and of how I did not question her authority, but obeyed immediately. Likewise, she also tells stories of when I changed. It wasn’t until I went through puberty that things started to go awry, you know the tell-tell signs of puberty. The back talking and rolling of the eyes, you couldn’t pay me enough money to go through that time in my life again. The emotions that I had as an adolescent only magnified as hormones coursed through my body. Isn’t that the case in any teenager?! As a freshman in high school, I met my best friend Kelly; she and I clicked right away. We became very close, very quickly; it was almost as if we were each other’s family, each other’s world. I could read her like the back of my hand. There were many days that I would go to school and wait for her to get off the bus, she would just look at me and without having to say a word, we knew that we were skipping class that day. No one, especially not my family, knew me like she did or so I believed in my juvenile intelligence. Kelly was a little more worldly than myself and my friendship with her brought me into contact with others of the same mindset. My only care was for my friends. I believe that this is normal however I took it to the extreme. This new way of thinking (or lack of thinking) made me not care about school and also made me imagine that I could survive without a high school diploma. I could get along with my new family. Eventually, when I stopped going to class I was moved to an “Alternative School”. The only people who went to that kind of school were the losers and misfits. The losers were people like me whose daily thoughts consisted of what kind of fun we would have and if that entailed some sort of partying. The misfits were the kids that didn’t fit in for various reasons; whether it was for social or academic.
There, homework was a privilege, a privilege I could do without mind you. Attendance and participation in class counted as points towards the credits that were needed to graduate. If I remember correctly, 60 points equaled one credit. As easy as that sounds, I couldn’t bring myself to do this menial task. I had more pressing things to do and I could not visualize my future beyond the day. Nonetheless with this kind of mindset I chose to miss out so many things.
Not only did I not consider my future, but I missed out on many other milestones of growing up. I missed graduating with my class, and the look of pride on my parents’ faces as I received my diploma. As well as going to my prom. I chose getting stoned over getting dressed up and taking the mandatory pictures with my date, the after party (although I am sure I found some party to go to that night).
When I was 17 years old, the Army stationed my father in New Jersey. I attended Monmouth Regional High School and I remember being in a freshmen science class and one of my classmates asked me who I had for math. She found it very strange when I told her that I didn’t have math; try and explain that you are in between a sophomore and junior. I hated the discomfort in trying to make clear just how much of a screw up I was. Evading was far easier then facing the truth. Image was all important to me at this stage of my life. It would be better that people thought I didn’t care instead of knowing that I couldn’t make it through school. At that time I was dating a man back in California and he wanted me to move back to be with him. I had just turned 18 and decided that it was just too awkward being back in school. I signed myself out of school in anticipation of my move back to California, only to be let down. He ended up going home on leave and marrying his high school sweetheart. My parents then told me that I had two choices, either return to school, or get a job and start paying rent. I decided to get a job. Now I was an adult or so I thought! I had a job, I was paying rent ($35 a week, I want that kind of rent again), I was self sufficient. My first job after becoming an “adult” was being a cashier in a cafeteria in a government office building. I think I made $7.50 an hour.
I have had many jobs; and each has taught me a new skill that I have used in life. I have used each job has been a stepping stone, but none of these jobs would allow me to support my family should anything happen to my husband. I have worked at many retail establishments, a driving school, a dental office, a heating and air conditioning office, each one of these places I have learned and grown. Had I stayed in school my life definitely would have been different. I would have gone to college after high school and hopefully at this point in my life I would have been established in a fulfilling career. Instead, I am working in an office, making an okay wage and going to school part time as well as, taking care of a husband and two kids. Life is hard, but in a different way; a better way.
Again, I believe that life experience make up a person’s character. Had I not had some of the experiences that I did as an adult child, like living in a van with two other people, and being left stranded at a bus station after traveling across country, then I wouldn’t have the heart that I do for people, I would not be who I am today. I would be a different me. You see, I believe my compassion for people is a direct result of the hurts and trials that I have had, and it is this compassion for people that will carry me forward into the career that I have chosen. I think that because of both my choices, hurts and regrets I can be a better nurse. I can empathize with people who are in pain, whether that pain be physical or emotional. Not only can I listen with a clinical ear, but with a concerned heart. I am not sure that I could say the same if I did get my “do over”.
Thanksgiving is gone and I hear Christmas carols on the radio. Where has this year gone? I am on my third year of school towards my 2 Year RN program, and I keep reminding myself to just put my head down and plow through it. I can feel myself getting antsy, wanting to just be done with it already. The time that I carve out a for myself, I find that I am tired and my only want is to not use my brain.
I don't want to think about the nervous system, or how this fiber is a descending fiber and that one is ascending. This denoting which way an action potential is being sent. I do enjoy learning, but this class is one of two that I have found extremely hard. There is a lot to learn, and not a lot of time to do it all.
With the responsibilities of being a wife, mother and student, something has to give. The girls had soccer at the beginning of school for all of us and just getting them to practice and to games on Sat's (this wasn't so bad, I did enjoy watching), trying to find time to study and cook (which on school nights I don't). I guess what I am trying to say is that life is moving at a very fast pace for me and I find it hard to be still.
Time seems to be a precious commodity and to take time for myself is hard to do and hard to find. Never mind time for my husband and family. The other day I was so distraught from a test that I had taken and felt overwhelmed with trying to help both girls with their homework and trying to study on my own stuff, that I lost it. Craig has said something about my spending money on 3 b y 5 cards for the girls that I just started to cry. I told him what I was feeling and how his yelling at me about spending money on something to help the girls with school really upset me. He said he didn't think he yelled. We talked about how stressed I was and he agreed to go over some of the homework/flash cards (that I made) with the girls.
So I felt better and went off to class. But I don't think that things are going to become easier, just more difficult. But I will continue with putting my head down and plowing throughuntil I reach the end.
I took my two finals today. Biology Practical and the final for the lecture part of it. I think I did pretty well, no lower then a B+. I am happy with that!
I really enjoyed my teacher for this class. The lap teacher left a little to be desired, but I got though it anyway. Next up is Anatomy and Physiology I and I think I will take Spanish. Sarah is hoping to get Spanish so we can take it together. I think that will be fun.
I am a mother to two beautiful girls, a wife of almost 13 years. I have recently gone back to school to become a nurse and surprised at how well I am doing.
.JPG)
This is what my kitchen table 
