Scrapping

Well I haven't scrapped in soooooo long, but finally got up the nerve to "just do it" here is what I have so far.

I am feeling better

I have been sick the last few days, and today is the first day that I feel half way decent. It's no fun being sick while on Christmas vacation. I think that getting a good nights rest has helped a lot. I had all these plans for what I was going to do, mostly I wanted to scrap a little while I was off. I think that tomorrow will be the day. Craig is taking the day off and we will all be home. I have to go into work for a couple of hours today; Faith is over at a friends house, so Sarah and I will go in for a little while.

My How Time Flies

I was taking some time for myself today, it's as if I am trying to gear up to be creative. But I am sick, and not feeling well. Anyway, I was looking at this website that I belong to called Two Peas in a Bucket. It is a scrapbooking website, and I haven't been there in a really long time. I want to scrap while I am off from school in the next 3 weeks, it has been forever since I have scrapped. They have a store you can order supplies from, a message board, and now a blog. So I was just looking through and decided to look at me profile. It has been 6 years since I updated my profile. I used to be a stay at home mom, my children used to be 5 and 6 years old. I had been married for almost 10 years. Things are different now.

Now I work part time at a doctor's office scheduling surgeries, part time college student; going for a nursing degree. My children are coming up on their 10th and 11th birthdays, and this past September my husband and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary.
It's amazing how time marches on. My life is very busy right now, I am working toward a goal. Sometimes, I think that my family suffers for it. Does it matter that they suffer now so that we can have a better life, or will they not see it that way and be angry with me later on in life? Will they understand? It is important for my family to know that I love them, both my children and my husband.

Moving News

Well Craig asked me the other night if I had talked to my Great Uncle Fritz and selling the fishing barge. I had gotten the number from my mom and dad but hadn't called. I don't want to push this, (see post) I have finally come to a place that if God wants me to move to Texas then He will have to make it happen. However, I did eventually call my Uncle Fritz. Boy is he sounding older these days.

He realizes that he can't take care of himself, OpalRuth and the barge. He loves that place! He loves keeping busy!! So I called Uncle Fritz and he told me that he was having two different appraisers come and look at the business and tell him what they think it is worth. I told him that if we had to live on the property in the trailer that they have we wouldn't be able to do it. They have a two bedroom trailer, it's very nice but not room enough for me, Craig, and two adolescent girls, if you know what I mean. But Fritz thinks that we could live off site as long as we have someone living in the trailer and keeping an eye on the place. That could be do able!
I asked Fritz as well how soon he was looking to have this deal done, I think he said February. WOW! I was hoping to get out there at the end of the school year. He did tell me there were several nursing schools around and a lot of medical offices and hospitals. He also told me that he knows someone who makes $25/hr for being a nurse. That is what I thought the pay would be, but in Texas, that would work!

If we do this, it means putting the house up for sale, packing and moving, finding a house down there and running a business, me finding a new job, transferring schools. It seems to be quite a lot all by February. As a matter of fact it seems quite daunting to me. But, if it is what God wants and Craig is for it, I will do it. We will see.

Essay 3 – Anna Nicole Smith

We had to choose a person that had recently been in the news and had to tell why their particular story had such longevity in the press. What was it about them that made us watch? I chose Anna Nicole Smith, because I was never quite sure if she was really as simple as she portrayed, not only that but there was something that has always drawn her to me. Bizarre I know, but I always felt sorry for her.

Despite our love or hate of Anna Nicole Smith, people tuned in when she died. Anna never seemed to be out of the news for long periods of time and when she was in the news it seemed to be negative press. Anna's story had it all, beauty, fame, and scandal. Why is it that we love to glory in other people's trials and tribulations? Why must we show peoples' most intimate and devastating times to the masses? Even though we as a nation, long to have the "lifestyle" that we see portrayed on television, we still reserve the right to look down on those that take up the front page of our newspapers. Could it be possible that we as a nation secretly long to know that celebrities are just a screwed up as we are. Perhaps we feel more at ease with our own lives by poo-pooing the poor decisions that others like Anna Nicole Smith made.

Anna was born Vicki Lynn Hogan and at the age of 17 she made what most would classify as her first mistake; she married 16 year old Billy Smith. Anna reports a home life that many would deem harmful in that her mother would "beat and kick" her. Some would not blame her for wanting to get out at any cost. Anna came on the scene as a voluptuous blond bombshell that sent in her photo to Playboy while making minimum wage. Practically becoming an overnight success and then became the model for Guess Jeans.

Anna Nicole was compared to Marilyn Monroe both in looks and in backgrounds. They were both from small towns and the desire for leaving would lead them both down a road wrought with pain and tragedy. As with Marilyn, Hollywood was the vehicle that drove her from small town middle America. The first time that society was made aware of one of the many bad decisions that Anna would make was when she married J. Howard Marshall. J. Howard Mashall was a very rich man who happened to be 89 years old, 63 years her senior. People immediately thought that she married him only for his money and began to make snap judgments of her character. Here is a woman who seems to be on top of the world and could have practically any man she wants and she marries an 89 year old man. Many people felt that her motives for marring him were for personal gain, not love or genuine feeling.

Once her husband dies Anna is in the news once again. Now she is fighting against her step-son for her claim to her late husband's estate. Even though both Anna and Marshalls' son are left out of the will, both maintain that J. Howard Marshall orally promised them a portion of the estate. This only re-enforces everyone's thoughts of her as a money hungry bimbo.

Anna goes from being in the news for "leeching" off of her husbands estate to being accused of using drugs and becoming an overweight wanna be actress who is jumping on the band wagon of Reality TV. At least now she has a hand in what is being put out there for everyone to see and in a sense being paid for being exploited. With all the bad publicity from outside media, Anna is now able to get her side out there in the form of "The Anna Nicole Smith Show". Even as her life appears to be going towards an out of work, has been she continues to put herself in the public eye by doing interviews for radio and late night television. Maybe it is true that bad publicity is better than no publicity. Some personalities begin to comment about her taking drugs, as well as her weight gain and slurred speech. At this time of her life, it appears by her countenance that she is lost and unsure of herself.

It seems that Anna had many different relationships with different men as evidenced by the number of men who came forward to say that they had fathered her daughter Dannielynn. This seems peculiar in that the majority of men are hesitant to proclaim to the world that they have fathered a child out of wedlock. The only relationship that seemed to stand the test of time was with her handler/escort, Howard K. Stern. Whether that relationship was good for her or toxic, is debatable. There are those that say they witnessed Howard giving her drugs and felt that he exploited Anna most of all.

From what the press printed, Anna's immediate family was estranged. Who knows what happened when she was a child. When she becomes pregnant with her second child it seemed to be more focused. Time with the family, the family she made; was important to her, but she always seemed a little sad. Maybe life had not become what she had hoped, maybe she felt disappointed with how things went, however, when she became pregnant with her second child she seemed to be excited. It was that joy for a new life that made the news of her first child's death so astonishing to the public. It had to have been hard to rejoice at the birth of her daughter and at the same time grieve for her son.

The public watched her downward spiral and no one was taken by surprise at Anna Nicole Smith's death. It was foretold wasn't it, when she was compared to Marilyn Monroe? Even in death Anna was in the news; people fought over who would get her body, where would she be buried, who was the father of baby Dannielynn, the cycle continued. In trying to be informed you inevitably hear the sensational stories about the entertainment industry. Maybe the reason we are so hot to eat up the headlines for Anna Nicole Smith was because she is what we all wanted at sometime, fame, fortune and what we would think would be an easy life. Anna could be an example of sometimes we should be careful what we wish for because sometimes it isn't the best thing for us.

Second Essay-I had to compare and contrast between 2 characters in 2 different stories

This is the second essay that was revised, (not completely I must add, I don't like the way I ended it) that I included in my portfolio in my English class.

Absolute power corrupts. When people live in a dictatorship, whether it is real or imagined it leaves no room for growth. In Sandra Cisneros' "Eleven", the teacher's subjugation of Rachel makes her unable to stand up for herself. In comparison, Kate Chopin's' "The Story of an Hour" tells how Mrs. Mallard feels the subjugation of marriage as a noose around her neck and lives her life in repression of her own desires. It seems to reason, that if one represses emotion or allows external power to control him/her, it can lead to a loss of one's voice.

When uncomfortable things happen, one's reactions to those events reveals a great deal about that person. When Mrs. Mallard is told by her sister and brother-in-law about her husband's death, it was a bitter sweet moment. Mrs. Mallard was filled with grief for the loss of her companion but relieved at the freedom that came from her husband's death. It was only at that time she hoped that "life be long" and looked forward to, "a long procession of years to come that would belong to her absolutely." One can picture Mrs. Mallard standing taller and throwing the yoke of marriage from around her neck as she imagines a life lived only for herself. In contrast, when Rachel's teacher continues to insist that the ratty sweater is hers she wants only to be, "like a tiny o in the sky, so tiny-tiny you have to close your eyes to see it." Her teacher has made her feel so powerless that she feels minuscule, and wants to disappear. Inside she is screaming that the sweater is not hers. Rachel wants to cry and in that moment feels like she is three and not eleven. In essence both Rachel and Mrs. Mallard relinquished their power to a person in whom they trusted.

Many times people in society are pigeon holed into what is "socially acceptable"; everyone has a role to play. Mrs. Mallard's role was dutiful and obedient wife, however she was not happy in her role. When her sister Josephine tells her of her husband's death she, "wept in wild abandon" and then retreats to where she presumably would be alone with her grief. On the contrary, she feels such a freedom due to the death of her husband that she throws open a window and "drinks in the very elixir of life". Rachel on the other hand is the adolescent girl when asked a question is not assertive enough to say the sweater is not hers. The teacher places it on her desk to make her take ownership of the sweater. Rachel distances herself from the sweater and the situation. She begins to retreat inside of herself and eventually feels as if she is regressing in age; wanting only to be 102, "anything but eleven".

Who knows what these kinds of imbalances of power may do to one's self esteem. Mrs. Mallard loved her husband, but in her love for him she had ignored who she was and what she wanted. She had lost her voice, her sense of self and it is only in her husband's death that she finds a release from ties that bind. Rachel is young and the young heal quickly but a continued pattern of not standing up for one's self could become detrimental in the long run.

Last Day and I'm singing the happys song

Well tonight was my last test. Earlier this morning I took my test for the lecture part of Anatomy and Physiology (A&P 1). It was kinda hard. I didn't think that I completely bomb it, but I was nervous. I knew I would do well in the Lab portion. Went back to school tonight and took my Lab Practicle and I got a 93!!!! Go me! While I was waiting for my grade, I thought I might look at the board to see if my test grade was up. I wasn't sure it would be, but sure enough there it was. I looked for student ID#, found it and knew that I had passed the class. I wanted to dance a jig right there.

While we were waiting for the grades I mentioned that I wasn't go to check the grades on line until after Christmas to one of my classmates. That was when they told us they had to be in by. I didn't want to torture myself and keep looking on line and not knowing. He told me you'll pass the class! I thought the same of him, but apparently he is taking A&P 1 and a class for Respiratory Therapy. He took AP1 in the summer, but he was passing with just a C and he knew he could do better, so he dropped it. He is doing both classes and not doing this one very well I guess. But once he saw the practical grade he thought that he had passed. I hope so, it would suck to have to take that class again.

I am so happy that I have 3 weeks off from school. A week off from work with the girls, I think I might actually scrap a little. I really feel like I need to be creative after all this stress from class. Well, off to put the girls down.

I feel guilty

I came home from my last English class last night and saw Faith's interim report card is on the frig. She isn't doing all that great, and I am frustrated. I feel like I am not helping her enough but at the same time I feel like she should be taking more responsibility for her school work. I talked with her this morning and she of course started to cry, but I think she was crying because she feels like she has let me down. I know that at her age, I would do that.

She brings her books home, but she doesn't study. I mean why bother???? She does the homework that is assigned for that night, but she won't study beyond that. In her case she has to study some subject every night. She will bring her books home .....

I had to go to school myself, on the way I called Craig. He told me that he had already lit into her last night. Told her that if she failed, she would have to go to summer school and that takes up about 2/3 of the summer. Now I know why she was so upset.

I told her that I would give her $5 for every letter grade she brought her grade up. Dave came over for dinner tonight and told her that he would match what ever I gave her. I hope she does it. Generally I don't bribe my children (that's what it feels like) but if it works she will see that she can do it. That's all I care about.

Are we going to move?

It is getting pretty cold here, and today I went out and started and finished my Christmas shopping. It wasn't to hard as we have only enough money to get for the girls. I took the money that my mom gave me for Christmas and spent it on Craig for Christmas. I bought him a robe, the game BrainAge 2. We played it over at his Uncle's house at Thanksgiving. Supposedly if you play for a few minutes everyday, it keeps your brain thinking and active, therefore YOUNG! Craig tried it and I think his brain age was like 55 or 60, I think mine was 35. How good did I feel. At least my brain age is younger then I am, where Craig's is older. HA HA.

My mom sent me an email letting me know that my great aunt had another stroke and my great uncle has to have another hip replacement. I have to say that I think getting old sucks! Not the actual aging, but how our bodies seem to give out way before our minds. But I guess he isn't going to get the operation until he has sold the barge. She said she had mentioned to him that Craig and I might be interested. Fritz said the appraiser was supposed to be coming and and if he appraised it for more then he thought it was worth, he would sell it to Craig for a good price. I mentioned it to Craig and he said for me to look into it. The only thing is that they have the biggest trailer on there that they will allow and it still isn't going to be big enough for all of us. So the only way it would work is for us to be able to have someone stay at the trailer and in exchange for free or really reduced rent they could take care of the place at night. So I hopped on the Internet and started looking at houses around there and you can get a pretty nice house there for around $250,000. I think we could probably sell this house for around $400,000. I would be nice if we could be closer to my family.

Craig made me laugh when we were talking about it, he told me that if we did this, I would have to sign a "prenup" I told him he meant Postnup, but basically he said that if we moved to Texas and I left him I would have to take care of him for the rest of my life. He was pretty funny. I'm not pushing the issue, I think I have given up on that. All I know is that I can't think of it right now. All I can concentrate on for right now is my family and getting through nursing school. Sometimes I don't even do that very well.

We will see what happens but for now, I am just thankful that I have a home, a family who loves me and a mind that is young.

School is almost over

Next Wednesday is my last day of school, until the 21st of January. I CAN NOT WAIT!!! As I have said in previous posts, this class has been excruciating for me. I hate that I feel like that but what can I do. I definitely have the slack factor going on here.

Next semester I get to take the second half of this course (A&P II). I am hoping that this teacher will be a better then the one I have now. He's not bad, but he's not great either.

I still need to do some Christmas shopping for the girls. I bought the presents from my mom and dad, but I really don't know what all I should get for the girls. Craig told me tonight that I should just spend the money that I was going to spend on him, on the girls. I can't do that, he said that all the things that he wants are just too expensive. But you know we don't buy gifts for each other that often, and I really want to get him something that he will like. I was thinking that I would get him a robe, and an automatic car starter. I think he would like that. He leaves for work so early, it would be nice for him to be able to start his car and let it get all nice and toasty before he got into it.

Well, I will sign off for now. I am trying to be better at posting on here, I was looking back over my history and noticed that in the past several months I have only posted once a month, I need to do better then that.

One Regret

This is one of the essays that I am putting in my portfolio for my English class.

I do not like to say that I have regrets; I believe that the experiences that I have had fashioned me into the person that I am today. They have shaped my idiosyncrasies, my wants and the desires of my heart. Nevertheless, if I could change a regret of mine it would be that I would not have dropped out of high school. Many factors played into my dropping out of school, some of those being, people I was associating with, home life and the way that I perceived my parents. But mostly it was my own skewed thought process.

My mother swears that as a child, I was perfect! She has told me stories of what an angel I was, and of how I did not question her authority, but obeyed immediately. Likewise, she also tells stories of when I changed. It wasn’t until I went through puberty that things started to go awry, you know the tell-tell signs of puberty. The back talking and rolling of the eyes, you couldn’t pay me enough money to go through that time in my life again. The emotions that I had as an adolescent only magnified as hormones coursed through my body. Isn’t that the case in any teenager?!
As a freshman in high school, I met my best friend Kelly; she and I clicked right away. We became very close, very quickly; it was almost as if we were each other’s family, each other’s world. I could read her like the back of my hand. There were many days that I would go to school and wait for her to get off the bus, she would just look at me and without having to say a word, we knew that we were skipping class that day. No one, especially not my family, knew me like she did or so I believed in my juvenile intelligence.
Kelly was a little more worldly than myself and my friendship with her brought me into contact with others of the same mindset. My only care was for my friends. I believe that this is normal however I took it to the extreme. This new way of thinking (or lack of thinking) made me not care about school and also made me imagine that I could survive without a high school diploma. I could get along with my new family. Eventually, when I stopped going to class I was moved to an “Alternative School”. The only people who went to that kind of school were the losers and misfits. The losers were people like me whose daily thoughts consisted of what kind of fun we would have and if that entailed some sort of partying. The misfits were the kids that didn’t fit in for various reasons; whether it was for social or academic.

There, homework was a privilege, a privilege I could do without mind you. Attendance and participation in class counted as points towards the credits that were needed to graduate. If I remember correctly, 60 points equaled one credit. As easy as that sounds, I couldn’t bring myself to do this menial task. I had more pressing things to do and I could not visualize my future beyond the day. Nonetheless with this kind of mindset I chose to miss out so many things.

Not only did I not consider my future, but I missed out on many other milestones of growing up. I missed graduating with my class, and the look of pride on my parents’ faces as I received my diploma. As well as going to my prom. I chose getting stoned over getting dressed up and taking the mandatory pictures with my date, the after party (although I am sure I found some party to go to that night).

When I was 17 years old, the Army stationed my father in New Jersey. I attended Monmouth Regional High School and I remember being in a freshmen science class and one of my classmates asked me who I had for math. She found it very strange when I told her that I didn’t have math; try and explain that you are in between a sophomore and junior. I hated the discomfort in trying to make clear just how much of a screw up I was. Evading was far easier then facing the truth. Image was all important to me at this stage of my life. It would be better that people thought I didn’t care instead of knowing that I couldn’t make it through school.
At that time I was dating a man back in California and he wanted me to move back to be with him. I had just turned 18 and decided that it was just too awkward being back in school. I signed myself out of school in anticipation of my move back to California, only to be let down. He ended up going home on leave and marrying his high school sweetheart. My parents then told me that I had two choices, either return to school, or get a job and start paying rent. I decided to get a job. Now I was an adult or so I thought! I had a job, I was paying rent ($35 a week, I want that kind of rent again), I was self sufficient. My first job after becoming an “adult” was being a cashier in a cafeteria in a government office building. I think I made $7.50 an hour.

I have had many jobs; and each has taught me a new skill that I have used in life. I have used each job has been a stepping stone, but none of these jobs would allow me to support my family should anything happen to my husband. I have worked at many retail establishments, a driving school, a dental office, a heating and air conditioning office, each one of these places I have learned and grown. Had I stayed in school my life definitely would have been different. I would have gone to college after high school and hopefully at this point in my life I would have been established in a fulfilling career. Instead, I am working in an office, making an okay wage and going to school part time as well as, taking care of a husband and two kids. Life is hard, but in a different way; a better way.

Again, I believe that life experience make up a person’s character. Had I not had some of the experiences that I did as an adult child, like living in a van with two other people, and being left stranded at a bus station after traveling across country, then I wouldn’t have the heart that I do for people, I would not be who I am today. I would be a different me. You see, I believe my compassion for people is a direct result of the hurts and trials that I have had, and it is this compassion for people that will carry me forward into the career that I have chosen. I think that because of both my choices, hurts and regrets I can be a better nurse. I can empathize with people who are in pain, whether that pain be physical or emotional. Not only can I listen with a clinical ear, but with a concerned heart. I am not sure that I could say the same if I did get my “do over”.

Life can be hectic

Thanksgiving is gone and I hear Christmas carols on the radio. Where has this year gone? I am on my third year of school towards my 2 Year RN program, and I keep reminding myself to just put my head down and plow through it. I can feel myself getting antsy, wanting to just be done with it already. The time that I carve out a for myself, I find that I am tired and my only want is to not use my brain.



I don't want to think about the nervous system, or how this fiber is a descending fiber and that one is ascending. This denoting which way an action potential is being sent. I do enjoy learning, but this class is one of two that I have found extremely hard. There is a lot to learn, and not a lot of time to do it all.


With the responsibilities of being a wife, mother and student, something has to give. The girls had soccer at the beginning of school for all of us and just getting them to practice and to games on Sat's (this wasn't so bad, I did enjoy watching), trying to find time to study and cook (which on school nights I don't). I guess what I am trying to say is that life is moving at a very fast pace for me and I find it hard to be still.


Time seems to be a precious commodity and to take time for myself is hard to do and hard to find. Never mind time for my husband and family. The other day I was so distraught from a test that I had taken and felt overwhelmed with trying to help both girls with their homework and trying to study on my own stuff, that I lost it. Craig has said something about my spending money on 3 b y 5 cards for the girls that I just started to cry. I told him what I was feeling and how his yelling at me about spending money on something to help the girls with school really upset me. He said he didn't think he yelled. We talked about how stressed I was and he agreed to go over some of the homework/flash cards (that I made) with the girls.


So I felt better and went off to class. But I don't think that things are going to become easier, just more difficult. But I will continue with putting my head down and plowing through until I reach the end.

God at Work

This Sunday was a "God at Work" Sunday at our church. Our pastor Vincent interviewed a priest, Father Bob who began and who is now working full time for The Center
which is an organization that works with people who are infected with the HIV virus or who have AIDS. It wasn't so much his work with these unfortunate people who are struggling with addictions, but his philosophy of seeing God in each person. Even in those that we have a hard time even liking, but to move beyond that and love them because they are deserving of love. Just as deserving as I am.

It seems to be a recurring theme to me lately. The caring for one person, helping one. How the world would be a better place is each one of us went the extra mile for just one! Why is it that we seem to get so wrapped up in our own daily lives, that we are blinded to the poverty and suffering of those who live only a couple of miles away.

I have a feeling that God will use me, I believe that he wants to use me even now. It is hard for me to release control. I mean I feel overwhelmed now, with my school, the girls school and our commitments to church (and we aren't overly committed there). I know that I should open my hand and in doing that the blessing that I would receive would be phenomenal.

I heard something I don’t like

This happend a couple of weeks ago and all is well. I didn't have internet access, but had taken my laptop with me and this was how I felt then.

I don't really know what to do, I am at a retreat with the ladies from my church and a woman I know told me that my husband hit on my niece while she was living with us. Now this is hard for me to believe but there is that seed of doubt and unrest that sits in the pit of my stomach. But I don't know if I believe this woman. She told me that when her and my niece would walk in the mornings she would say things. You know things that would make her uncomfortable.

I do know that there was no love lost when it came to my husband and my neice. Neither one really cared for the other and it is hard for me to imagine him making a move on her, but none the less, I sit here at 12:19 am writing about it.

I think what bothers me most, is this lady and I were friendly a few years ago and then things kind of went south, if you know what I mean. Sometimes I feel like she likes to stir things up, and Craig feels the same way. UGH! Why now, why on this retreat? Why when I can't call him, because he has his phone off, and I can't call her, because I just got a new phone and I haven't put her number in my phone, or anyone else's for that matter.

OK, this is what I am going to do.

1. I will go to sleep
   
2. I will lift this up to Him that sustains me
   
3. I will talk to Craig tomorrow
   
4. And maybe even my niece.

School, Kids, Home...

Well I took my first practicle in Anatomy and Physiology, and I know I didn't do very well. It is somewhat frustrating to me, but what are you going to do? I haven't been able to devote as much time to it as I would like, with the kids soccar practice, my weekend away which was not the best.

So I will start fresh, and do better. I will just have to stop doing something. It's like I have 3 classes. They are all taking some time during the week and the house is an absolute mess! It kinda grosses me out, but I get tired of yelling at everyone to pick up their stuff. Boy Craig would laugh at that.

Speaking of Craig, he got a MOTORCYCLE! He has been dying to get on lately and he has been saving his money. He looked on ebay and found one. He contacted the guy and bid on it a couple of times but the reserve was never met. After the bid was over and it didn't sell, he called the guy to see if he would take what Craig was offering, and he did. I will post a picture of it here.

Sarah is doing better in school.

Soccer

Both girls are playing recreational soccer. This is the first time that they have played. So far they have had 2 practices and one game. The games are on Saturday's. Their first game was this past Saturday. Faith's game was at 9 am and she needed to be there 20 minutes early.

She seems to really enjoy it. She is on the team with her friend Franny and her dad is the coach. She played goalie, which I think she really enjoyed. Whenever she got the ball she would try to kick it. But she would throw it up in the air and kick and miss. She did this a couple of times, I know she was frustrated but it sure made me laugh. Faith did get injured in the game. She was hit with the ball in the stomach, but she was okay.

Sarah's game was at 12:45, she is not the fastest runner, but it seems like she enjoys herself and that's all that matters. Sarah also got injured in the game. Someone really kicked the ball and she got it in the face. I felt so bad for her! Sarah started to walk off of the field and everyone sat down. So she sat down, they came and got her, she was okay, but she didn't go near the ball after that. Poor thing!

Hopefully their second game will be a bit better!

My Friend

I have recently made a new friend, however it feels like I have known her all my life. She is sweet, funny, caring, fun, all the admirable qualities you want in a friend. But she has a problem. She suffers from Bipolar I. I have only known her for a few months, but she has a heart of gold. I can see that she is a good person, full of life and love.

This weekend she was admitted into the hospital. She had become, "psychotic" and violent. I can see it in a way, she seems to be a spitfire! But again, she has a heart of gold. There were signs, signs that I only see now. Comments she made. Thursday she called me. She was out of town and we had spoken briefly on Tuesday. When she called Thursday I was at work and couldn't talk. I asked if I could call her back on my lunch hour. She said yes, and I asked if she was okay. She said yes and I took her at her word. However, she reassured me that she was okay even though I hadn't asked again. I think she was trying to reach out.

I think she has been reaching out for a while. She would give me indicators as to what she would be like when she was in her mania. She will talk faster, I thought to myself, "Could that be possible?" What I didn't see was the way she was talking was faster then normal. Remember the I have only spent a few hours alone with her outside of practice. In this time she has been very open about herself and what she has been through. She was diagnosed with this a couple of years ago. I think it was shocking to her to find this out.

Apparently if you are Bipolar, it usually presents itself between the ages of 18-24. And if you have a parent who is Bipolar the likely hood of the child getting is passed to them is increased. Her mother also has this disorder.

I want to be there for her and her family. I want to help in anyway that I can. When she had to leave school because of her first episode (that what she calls them) a lot of her friends disappeared. I want to be someone she can count on, I want her to know that I love her and will support her in any way.

I can't beleive that it is almost August

This year is just flying by! Next week we are in August, September is my 14th Anniversary, then October is my birthday!!!! I don't think I will ever tire of celebrating my birthday.



I've been thinking about it and this is what I want for my birthday.

• A docking system for my Ipod for the kitchen. So I can listen to music without earphones.http://store.apple.com/1-800-MY-APPLE/WebObjects/AppleStore.woa/wa/RSLID?mco=352A7B4&nplm=TL045LL/A


• iTunes Gift card


• Second Season of Charmed


• 
  
  

It's Been a While

It's been a while since I have been on here. My trip to NC was very interesting!!! We got there and went to Dave's Aunt Winnie's house, she hadn't packed a thing! She lived in this home for over 20 years, so you can only imagine what you accumulate over that time period. We had to go and get a truck and boxes. We looked for a big enough truck for like two hours. Finally we got a 26 ft long U-Haul. We grabbed some KFC and ate lunch and started packing. We realized shortly after we started that we didn't have enough boxes. So Winnie and Dave's other Aunt (I don't remember her name) went to get more boxes and Dave and I continued to pack.



When they got back we had another epiphany. WE NEED MORE PEOPLE TO HELP PACK! The whole idea was for us to get the truck packed that night and get a couple of hours on the road. Winnie called some people from her church a man with four teenager came over to help us. I mean to tell you they worked hard and didn't stop until they had to leave. They were a God send!



Dave and I finally got on the road about 10 pm. We couldn't get the female part of the seat belt through the seat in the truck. I wanted my seat belt on. That truck was big and Dave was driving fast and that truck was loaded. (Remember, I was already in an accident involving a U-Haul trailer, a different story for another time). We pulled over after about 1 hr and got a hotel room, took a shower and went to sleep. We were exhausted.

Got up had a really nice breakfast and got back on the road headed for Dave's mom and dad's in upstate NY. Pulled in about 30 min away from his mom or dad on Sunday night about 10 pm. Got a room, got comfortable and watched a little of the movie, "The Sixth Sense", great movie by the way. We waited until the little boy said the line, "I see dead people." And turned off the TV and went to sleep.

Got up Monday morning, drove out to Dave's parents house. Met his dad, it's amazing that I have known Dave for 10 years, I have met his mom, a sister, cousins, and aunts, but never met his dad. Dave's dad told him to pull the truck up to the barn, the only bad thing about that is that the truck is so long that it sticks out in the road. He puts the truck in drive to move it and one of the back wheels just spins. Dave is freaking out, I am not quite sure as to why, I get out and start directing traffic.

I do truly believe that ignorance is bliss! What I didn't know is that this road is frequently travel this road at high rates of speed. This guy pulls overand asks if we are going to be sticking out of the road for long. I say well that depends, he's kind of stuck. He tells me I should call the State Police and the Fire Dept. I kindly tell him that if he knows the numbers I would gladly call them. He must volunteer or something, but he had them in his phone.

Mean while, I am still directing traffic, kinda thinking to myself, this kind of fun! Dave has now opened the back of the truck and is just throwing things from the back of the truck. Jumps back in the truck and pulls out!! YEAH, he pulls into one of the driveways at the house. After he is parked he tells me how worried I was and that he couldn't believe I was directing traffic. Sure I was! I didn't know those big truck come barreling down the road. See...it wouldn't have been so bad, but there was this little hill that they would come over and about 300 feet we were sticking out into the road.

Some of his nieces and nephews came to help us unload, thank God! We would fill the bed of this truck and then drive it up to where it was going to be stored. While they were gone, I would move more boxes from the back of the truck.

I left Saturday morning at 6 am, I got home Monday evening at 7 pm. It was a long, eventful trip with a great friend. I would do it all over again.

Got up had a really good breakfast, then got in the truck and started driving. We drove to Dave's parents house in upstate NY to drop off 90% of what we had in the truck.

Road Trip

Well, I am going to Charlotte, North Caroline this weekend with a friend of mine, Dave. He is going to help an elderly aunt of his move the rest of her belongings here to NJ. He didn't have anyone to drive with him, so I told him that I would go with to keep him company. Now I am kinda regretting saying that I would go.

I do believe that we will have a good time, but it means getting up at the crack of dawn on Saturday to catch a flight, a mad dash to pack up the truck and then a 12 hour drive back here.

Here I Am

Well, it's Thursday night, one more night and then I am off to go home. It has been nice and somewhat relaxing. We started off going to Lake Tenkiller in Oklahoma to visit with my Mon's side of the family.

We had a great time! The hotel was really nice and had a pool there, so the girls definitely went swimming. We found a nice restaurant called the Smokehouse. It looked like an old farmhouse from the outside with rockers on the front porch. We went in and there were moose heads on the wall, an 8 foot snake skin on the wall, a stuffed bobcat, with all kinds of other stuff, like an old wagon, what we think was either a toilet plunger or butter churner. We aren't quite sure which one it was. They had GREAT food though.

I think the whole family had fun, Craig and Faith cheesing it up for the camera. After we went to Lake Tenkiller, we came back to Texas and went to my sisters Timeshare in Flint, Texas. It was called the Villages. We had two different apartments and the girls went swimming (go figure). It did rain quite a bit the whole time I have been here. But it would clear up for a while. The girls found people to play with. At the club house there was an arcade, pool table, board games, ping pong and miniature golf. We tried to get the girls horseback riding, they told us the wrong days, so they weren't able to do that. Oh well, I think they had a pretty good time.

We did make it out to my great aunt and uncles in Tyler, Texas. She had a stroke a couple of months ago and struggles sometime with her speech. Craig finally go to fish some. He had to buy a pole at Walmart. He said he was going to keep it at my mom and dad's but he ended up liking it enough that he took it home. There was this bird, that was waiting for Craig to get a fish. He was a big one! I'll post a picture later. After we left the Villages we came home and the next day Craig and the girls left for home. I have been here and enjoying my quiet time. The girls don't seem to miss me to much, but I do think that Craig will be happy that I am home. He might be able to actually go to the gym. LOL

It's Over, Done!

I took my two finals today. Biology Practical and the final for the lecture part of it. I think I did pretty well, no lower then a B+. I am happy with that!

I really enjoyed my teacher for this class. The lap teacher left a little to be desired, but I got though it anyway. Next up is Anatomy and Physiology I and I think I will take Spanish. Sarah is hoping to get Spanish so we can take it together. I think that will be fun.

I have been TAGGED!

I have been tagged by Colleen! 7 Random things about me?

1. I was a preacher's kid. Still am I guess, although I'm not a kid.
2. At 16 I took off from California and lived in NY for about 6 months.
3. I lived in Germany for 3 years, it was the best time of my life!
4. I am 38 and going to school part time for my RN
5. I have two tattoos
6. I was born in Oklahoma, but I have lived in Missouri, Oregon, all over California, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, North Carolina.
7. I am part Cherokee Indian and am proud of it!

Alrighty then, there you go!

My Afternoon Rant (A Continuation)

Call me a nervous mother. I never thought I would be.....

I take off early from work; Craig won't be able to get the girls. On my way home I call my neighbor I want to see how her son is doing after surgery and see if she could get Faith off of the bus so I can kinda watch out for Sarah like I did this morning.

I go to Sarah's school; I know she can't leave until the buses have left. Only one has left and it's about 5 min until Faith will be getting off of the bus at our house, I leave to come back home to scoop Faith off of the bus and go look out for Sarah.

"Come on," I yell over the sound of the bus.

FAITH: Where are we going?

ME: To watch out for Sarah

FAITH: She's already here.

ME: What? looking around

FAITH: Look here she comes!

And there's Sarah, on her bike with a new confidence. It did my heart good.

Screw You, Ride On

I know that the title of this is a little off, but that is how I felt today watching Sarah ride her bike to school the first time. She wanted to ride so bad and no one wanted to ride with her for whatever reasons, little girls are mean. So all this week she rode her bike with her dad to see how she would do. She has barely ridden her bike around the house and now she has to cross a major intersection, and people in cars don't watch.

I woke up and Sarah was already dressed, Faith was sleeping with me in my bed. She crawled in there sometime last night. I asked Sarah something about the bus and she told, "I'm on my bike going to school." OH!

Earlier this week Craig rode with her and she had said that he made her nervous. I tried to instill confidence in her. She was aware that she needed more practice. I told her that she should ride with her dad a few times and maybe on Thursday she could ride her bike. Craig worked late last night and she really wanted to go, but was afraid to ask him for some reason. When she finally did, he told her it was to late. So needless to say I was NERVOUS.

But she rode her bike to the bus stop, showing everyone that she was riding her bike, by herself. She didn't know I was following her and she saw a mother of one of the children that rides her bus and she waved, but wasn't looking where she was going and ran into a bush. Fell right on top of her bike. I have to say I truly did laugh out loud. I wanted to see if she was okay, but she picked up her bike and got back on it and continued to ride on. I was sooo proud of her. I thought maybe she would be more embarrassed if she knew I had seen her fall.

So I continued on, drove ahead of her and turned around. I managed to be at the light when she was going to cross that busy intersection. She came up to it, got off of her bike, looked both ways, and crossed the intersection. She did great, and I told her! I continued to watch her but she didn't see me. I watched her until she turned onto the block that her school was on.

As I was coming home I saw the group of kids, that Sarah wanted to ride with. I would be lying if I didn't say I just wanted to plow 'em down. Then I thought to myself, no, let them pull up at school and see Sarah at the bike rack, locking her bike and going into the school, knowing that she rode her bike all the way to school all by herself.

Ride on Sarah!

HOPE!

Do you feel HOPE or HopeLESS? It seems that a few people I know are feeling HOPELESS Why is that? What is about us that settles for focusing on the negative......

................On what gets us down...............why is that we dwell in the low places?

Why can't we choose to lift up what is going well in our lives. Praise the creator of the universe.

Reaquanting with an old friend

Yesterday I realized that a girl who is in my bio class, Alicia is friendly with an old friend of my Mary. It's funny how these things happen. I haven't seen or heard from Mary in probably 4 months, so it was nice to get to see her again and just hang out. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed Mary's company. I do believe that we will be getting together more often.

Emotional Roller Coaster

Yesterday, I came home from work and went to get the girls at the bus stop. Sarah who usually comes off the bus not in the best of moods, came off swinging her backpack and she says to me.

"Mommy, I have the most fantasic recess today!" I'm asking myself what could have happend that would make her so bouncy? She then proceeded to tell me the story. She apparently was swinging and somone wanted the swing that another little boy (Terrence) wanted. So Terrence gave up his swing and went over to one that was empty next to Sarah. He started talking to her, "You know Sarah, when I act like I don't like you I am just pretending. I have always had a crush on you. Do you want to be boyfriend and girlfriend again.

She of course said yes! Faith then chimes in, "Yeah, now we both have boyfriends!" LOL

Then today, just like we had an extreme high, we had an extreme low! Sarah is allowed to ride her bike to school as of this week. We live a ways away and I really wanted Sarah to ride with some other kids. I asked her if she knew of anyone who lived close to us that was going to ride their bike. She told me the Molly, a classmate, was riding her bike. I called the mom and left a message yesterday. Molly's mom called me today and told me that Molly didn't want to ride with Sarah. Lee, Molly's mom, said there have been incidents between Sarah and Molly that she is saying, were unprovoked.

Now I know that Sarah isn't the easiest person to get along with, but I also know that since she is her own person, it has left her an easy target for being teased. Which she does not take well. But as I was telling this to Sarah, big tears welled up in her eyes, and I just wanted to smack that little girl who hurt my child's feelings. Sarah so wants friends, to be accepted and liked.

Why are kids so mean? I told Sarah that she is her own person and she should be proud of that. But does a 10 year old understand that? I hope so. My heart was breaking when I was talking to her. I pray that she finds GOOD friends who like her for who she is, someone who is genuine, kind, caring and loving.

Have you ever wondered?

If you are married, have you wondered if your spouse truly loves you? I mean deep down in the marrow of their bones Loves you. I wonder sometimes if he loves me like that. I know that he would be sad if something where to happen to me, or if we ever broke up, but would he be heartbroken over loosing ME?

Do I show him how much he means to me? Does he Know that I love him with all that is in me? Is that enough for him, is there more that I can do? Do I treat him as insignificant? I don't think so, I may not tell him enough that I appreciate all that he does, but I do feel like I am more vocal about my appreciation of him then he is of me.

I just want so much more from our marriage. More communication, more laughter, more joy, more ease of spirit, more gentleness, more kindness, more respect.

Do I expect or want to much?

Do you ever wonder if there is a thing as true love? Or is it just true enough?

2 Peas Challange-What is your favorite show?

Now that's a little tough. There are several that I hate to miss and can't wait to watch. Lost is one of my favs, Jericho is another and finally Hero's. Those 3 shows I can't miss. I was taking a class last semester on Mon and Wednesday nights. I went out and got a DVR just so I could record them. Craig I know thinks I watch too much TV and maybe I do, but it's usually after everyone has gone to bed and I can just sit down and relax.

Easter Traditions

I know that this is a little late, I mean Easter was last weekend, but I loved how the eggs came out that the girls did. I waited until the last minute to dye eggs and when I went to the store all the kits were gone. Well I knew there had to be a way, so I came home and looked on the Internet (Love the Internet for things like this) and found a recipe if you will. Food coloring, water and vinegar. Sarah did two tone eggs, I really liked how hers came out. Faith let them stay in longer so the hues are much darker, richer more vibrant looking. I always hated the process of coloring eggs, but I actually enjoyed it this year.

You want to see a picture of our dogs? I've been meaning to add these pictures, but haven't gotten around to is. The little puff ball in Lucy she is a Pomeranian. She looks pretty pathetic here. I think it was raining out and one of the girls took a picture of her with my camera. For those who don't know Lucy, we have had her since she was a puppy she is now 5 years old. She loves to lick your feet and barks at anything that crosses her path, or anything she thinks crosses her path. No we recently got a new dog. I have been wanting a dog, but I wanted a big dog. Friends of ours are foster parents for the SPCA and they had a puppy that was taken from its owner, they named her Hope and she was a pit mix, all white with these great green eyes, but they would let me have her since we had such a small dog. Oh Well! So our neighbor's sister needed to find a home for her dog. It is a Miniature Sheltie (Dale)
He is really cute, he was very and still sometimes is skittish, but he is a lover. He loves to play ball! I have never had a dog that loves to play catch, but he does. Sometimes at night when I am about to get in bed, if he has already laid down with Criag, he runs up to the head of the bed and plops down where I lay down and won't move. So I laid my head on him, and he didn't seem to care. I finally got him to move but I have never seen anything like it. He's a good boy though.

Why is Raising Kids So Hard?

Today I had class and Craig was off from work so he was home with the girls. I came home early since one of my classes was canceled. Some of their friends came over to play, after they went home our neighbor came over and Craig asked if Faith and her daughter had asked her if it was alright for Julia (friend) had asked if they could go around the block to the lake. Well to make a long story short, they had not, but said they had and that the mother had said yes. Now this is not the first time that Faith has lied and no matter what we do, she continues to do it. She was crying like crazy and I went in their to talk to her. She had sent Sarah out with picture that she had drew for Craig. She knew she was in trouble!

I have to say, she takes after me in that respect. Now don't get me wrong, I'm NOT a pathological liar. I lie sometimes just to avoid confrontation, i.e. how much money I spent etc. I know its stupid, and I am consciously working on trying not to do that, just to face the music as it comes and if it pisses Craig off, oh well.

I have tried to tell her that if she is honest with us, that she will get in less trouble then if she lies. I just wish that she would realize that she can come to us with anything! I hope she knows that. UGHHH, why isn't there a manual?

I have asked all my friends who have good kids, kids who are responsible, kind, and who like to talk to their parents what the secret is, for some reason they refuse to give it to me. Like it the recipe for Bush's Baked Beans. LOL I think that my girls will come out alright. I just hate to see them in trouble, with tears in their eyes.

20 Activities that Light Up My Soul

Another 2 Peas Challenge

1. Hearing my husband and kids laugh
2. Quiet time after all have gone to bed
3. Sitting in the backyard reading a book with a nice warm soft breeze
4. Hearing the birds chirp, tell-tell signs of Spring
5. Reading a really good book
6. Visiting family
7. Shopping (which I rarely do)
8. Singing
9. Listening to and seeing the waves crash on the beach
10. Receiving a letter or a package in the mail
11. A good grade on a test
12. Hearing I love you from my kids and husband for no reason
13. Driving in the country
14. Traveling anywhere
15. Having dinner with a friend
16. A good song
17. The smell of the cold night air when I am snuggled in my bed
18. The beauty of the clean snow and how it lights up the night
19. The color of the leaves in the fall
20. Seeing an act of kindness being done

Vacation

My dad called me yesterday about plans for our vacation. He needed to know about what we wanted to do about boat rentals. I had sat down to study but then I got on the Internet to do some research on boat rentals around Lake Texoma (this is the lake that is on the border of Oklahoma and Texas). I found the cheapest boat rental that I could find at Big Mineral Resort, Marina and Campground.

The cost for a boat that Craig can fish with was $400 for the weekend. I also rented a tube, I thought it would be fun for the girls and I to be pulled on the tube, might as well all have fun right?! Mom and dad are going to go up today to check out the place. I reserved a 3 bedroom "cabin", which turns out to be a trailer (LOL). Dad told me this morning that his friend said he would loan him his pop up, since my Aunt and Uncle weren't able to loan us their RV. I say lets use the pop up and a tent and save about $250.

I can't wait to hear from mom and dad what the place looks like. I just know that we are all going to have a great time. See this is what I love, hanging out with family, laughing and just enjoying each others company. May won't get here soon enough for me!

Sarah Starts Growth Hormone

My oldest daughter Sarah has Turner's Syndrome . She hasn't fallen off of the growth chart yet, but she is holding on by a thread. Now what is great about that, is that most girls her age (10 years old) who have Turners haven't been on the growth chart for a while. So my hope is that with this treatment, she will be at least 5'2.

Yesterday was our appointment to meet with the rep from Lilly to show us how to mix and administer the growth hormone, Humatrope, to Sarah. She was very excited and nervous at the same time. I was watching Julia, since all the girls are off from school, so whole brood came with me.

It was kinda intimidating. She showed me how to mix the medicine, there's all these steps, then you have to let it sit for 3 min. and if you see bubbles then that is fine, but if you see dandruff like flakes in it, set it down for another 5 min and check it again. If the flakes are still there then call Lilly. No flakes, then it's fine to use.

Felecia (Lilly Rep) was very nice. When it came time for the shot, Felicia asked if Sarah wanted to give herself the shot or have me do it, she opted for me doing it. So we asked where she wanted the shot, Sarah decided she wanted it done in her leg. So I go to give her the shot and she pulls away and tells me she doesn't want to do it anymore. I asked if she remembered wanting to jump off of the diving board at the pool and how she agonized over jumping in; then I asked her if she remembered how she felt after she jumped the first time? Trying to show here, that it's just the fear of the unknown. Felicia even bet her a dollar that it would not hurt. She told her that each patient she taught she bet a dollar and she hadn't lost a bet yet. Well after some coddling and a little bit of bullying I finally got it done. With tears in her eyes after I had given her the shot, Felicia asked her if she owed Sarah the dollar and Sarah tearfully said no.

As we were leaving Sarah said she wanted to give herself the shot the following day, but she hasn't done it. But she will, eventually. I just can't wait to see her grow, and be closer to kids her age in height.

2 Peas Challange "How are your scrapping golas comming?"

Scrapping goals? What is that? I can't remember the last time that I scrapped. Since I have went back to school, with family, and work and church, I don't have any time to scrap. But in May when I go on vacation, I plan to do a lot of scrapping.

Me and the family are going to visit my mom and dad in Texas. After a week, Craig and the girls are going home (the girls are still in school) and I am staying an extra week! I told mom and dad that they didn't have to take off the extra week, they can just leave me to my own devices. I even plan on mom or dad dropping me off at a local scrap store where they have a work room and just working there all day, and if I need anything, I can just go into the store and buy it. Now that's what I'm talking about.

Beautiful World

I was watching the Discovery Channel tonight, they had a 3 hour show on about what a beautiful world we live in; some of what they showed was just astounding. It is just mind boggling to me how God is able to create such beauty. Why is it that we have to destroy it? Building and building, saving wetlands and forests as an after thought and only because someone or some organization stands up and makes noise. Is it truly because of greed, I can't imagine that it's because of need.

Watching the show, I see so many places that I want to see, so many things I want to experience. There is so much beauty! I saw the South African Plains and after being so dry for so many months the rain finally came and the beauty of the plants, the agility and smoothness of the animals walking through the water. The beauty of the elephants swimming in a river, frolicking (if you can imagine that). Beauty is found everywhere, in all things, both old and new. My only question is why do we have to destroy what was to make room for the new?

Favorite Childhood Game

This was a challange on a website (TwoPeas in a Buckett) that I visit more then I actually scrapbook. Which, from what I can tell is the case for many. They wanted us to talk about our favorite game from childhood.

For whatever reason, I didn't even have to think very hard about this. My favorite game was Red Rover, Red Rover. Do you remember that? You and your friends would hold hand and stand in a line. You would decided who from the other team you would want to try and break the chain and cry, "Red Rover, Red Rover send Billy on over." If they broke the chain then they could choose someone to bring back with them to their team, but if they didn't then they had to join your team.

I remember playing this game on summer days and nights and holding on tightly or if it was a boy you like and he tried to break through, not so tightly in the hopes that he would grab your hand and bring you back to his team. Those memories remind me of cardboard sliding down hills, eating apples from the tree right by the hill we were sliding down. Lighting bugs, climbing trees and getting stuck, waiting for my dad to come and get me. Staying out late on summer nights playing with the kids in the neighborhood, riding my Big Wheel down the big hill by my house in Mill Valley, going to the marsh by my school (Strawberry Point School) Those were the days!